Coaching, to me, is the great re-connection: to self, to pleasure, to a radical kind of presence and immediacy. I am here, I am now – it’s one of these truisms that is easy to say, and quite a bit more tricky to live by.
Tricky to live by, because presence doesn’t come so easily for many of us – it’s too crowded inside, too many thoughts, too much tension. We might call that: ‚ordinary misery’. We might be anxious or depressed, lonely or despondent, or just listless, exhausted, pleasureless and unenthused. We tend to look to the mind to fix these things, to willpower, motivation, affirmations and to visualising a more glorious life to come. Seldom, we look to the body. Even more seldom, we truly relate to it.
The main premise of Somatic Coaching is this: Talking about your past doesn’t make you heal from it. We don’t heal by healing the past. We heal by healing the residues of the past as they show up in the present.
Imagine you could radically shift your inner atmosphere, say: with the snap of your finger. Like: poof!, be gone, demons and darkness and all bad moods that ever crept on you. Would be kind of convenient, to have healing be a super easy affair.
Why is it more difficult to change the way we relate to ourselves? Because at some point, way in the past, this way of relating made a lot of sense. And while the mind is usually quick to comprehend, the body is on another timeline.
Understanding something is one thing. Letting that sink into the body is quite another.
From that premise follows a path to healing.
One major way our past shows up in our present is via a dysregulated nervous system. Fight, flight, freeze, fawn – these are survival mechanisms, which for many of us have become ongoing states, which means: too well worn pathways. This is why it’s not introspection, or self-analysis, or intellectual understanding that is the foundation of healing. The foundation of healing is the ability to regulate our system. Which means: to relate to the body. Not by numbing, or by distraction. But by being with it, and tending to our Self.
This is where we start, in our sessions together.
In the beginning of our work together we set the frame. We talk direction and desires: What is it you want to transform, or release, or bring into your life? Which can be a wide scope.
Clients work with me because they feel like they were ‚living in their head‘ too much. They find it difficult to connect to their body, because what they find there is a stream of self critical thoughts. The body seems like a foreign entity: not quite me.
Others are creatives, who know that a deeper connection to their body will make their work much deeper, and the process much lighter.
Some are curious about this pleasure thing that feels somewhat totally out of reach. Some had given up on knowing and living their sexual self. Some come to be their own best lovers.
Others have done therapy, all the talking, analysing, comprehending, yet things are still the same. Not terrible, but not great either. Something is not right, and the question they ask is: What is wrong with me? What that is, most often: simply the longing for the lost connection to Self.
Sometimes there’s an explicit sexual theme. Most often there isn’t. The connection to sexual energy is simply the connetion to life force.
There’s a framework to my sessions, concepts and processes that build the foundation of my work. I work trauma informed, and I do bring in somatic tools, neuroscience, breathwork and tantric and taoist practices.
And there’s a specific lens I bring that comes from working as a creative. As a writer I believe in the capacity of words. Sensing, and being able to name what you sense, is the foundation of the intimacy with Self. Your creative mind is wild, and beautiful. The wild mind is always already embodied.
So, you will surprise yourself. Your inner territory, in its boundaries and confines, will have a new tangibility. You will become real to yourself via this experiential sense of self, and more joyous, more alive, lighter. That is my promise.
What happens in the space of coaching is not so much that someone witnesses you and guides you – although that’s an important part of it. The most important part is that you are guided to become exactly this same witness for yourself. That is the transformation. And that is while it is lasting.